Long ago in a place, far, far, away, I took a trip to Florida. I had an uncle who lived near Tampa. I knew trouble was brewing when I got off the plane and was smacked in the face by intense humidity and mosquito's. Brutal.
My uncle had an assistant who drove him around and did errands around his house. This kid essentially lived for free and had a taste fir the good life. My uncle lived quite well and did extensive traveling.
This was five grueling days. Where to start? Okay, I have been programmed to awake every morning and expect a clean, unread newspaper. Where was the Florida newspaper? In the garbage. My uncle had the habit of throwing it away after HE read it at 6:00 in the morning. I'm not up until 9:00 or so.
Something to eat? Not really. Most of the stuff in his fridge were foods I wouldn't normally touch. To each his own. Thank God I had a rent-a-car. Restaurants were aplenty and I found myself dining out on several days. There were a couple of decent meals to be had at his estate and I enjoyed them. However, how can you enjoy a meal when he refuses to crank up his central air conditioning? He would shut it off overnight around 2:00 in the morning and turn it on when he awoke. That needle never dipped below 80 degrees! The cheap SOB!
The kid was a true loser. All talk and little to back it up. I was stuck because there wasn't anyone else available. My uncle loved flea markets. I attended a couple and I must say, I bought a couple of things and I found myself becoming addicted as well. I had to be careful what I could bring on the plane back home.
One night, we all went out to a very fancy restaurant. It was an all-you-can-eat seafood place. I ate a modest amount of food and stopped. This stupid kid assistant ate like a pig. My uncle became very angry at him and told him to stop ordering all of this extra food. He said "I want to be welcome back here."
At night, TV was the source of entertainment on a couple of nights. Of course, me being the guest had nothing to do with protocol. I was forced to watch their favorite shows for there was no TV in my room. I wanted to go out drinking but not with this dumb ass kid. And, I couldn't bring anyone home because this wasn't my house. I didn't live in Florida. Women would not understand this hellish arrangement. I'd be better off in a Holiday Inn. And, there fine looking women in Tampa!
So, to recap....everyday, I go out to buy a newspaper because the one received gets thrown out. I have to almost go grocery shopping for myself. I'm sweating like a pig because the central air is rarely used. Too many small bugs crawling around. A moronic assistant who was a total loser. Couldn't shake him for anything. Little chance of meeting great women because I wasn't given a key to the estate. I was afraid I would be locked out for 2 days.
In all, a bad experience. My uncle has since died so I will leave his name out of this memo. I hope it's cool wherever he is.
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